When the world says I’m not good enough…

To my artist friends, and anyone who has ever dealt with rejection ( that could be everyone maybe…)  To the incredible artists and friends I get to work with: I know that I am often encouraging you, but it is out of empathy, not because I ever feel or think for a moment that I exempt or immune to hurt and feeling “not good enough”.

I had a couple rejections for some pretty amazing projects this week. I still hate rejection, even though I’m used to it. Sometimes, I get so used to it, that even when I book work for myself as an artist of musician, I don’t believe it till the cheque is in hand. ( Ok, just being a little vulnerable here. Its good, it’s like therapy haha ) Last year, I had the opportunity to sing on a tv show, and I fully booked it, but then because of crap traffic, I was late for the session, couldn’t pull myself together and totally wrecked my performance. Argghh! The hardest thing about it, was I knew I could do it. But, I didn’t. Bad days happen and I can’t do anything about them, but it doesn’t stop the world from trying to be in my face about it.

On the flip side, I think it’s much harder when I work hard at my craft, am just being myself, and then I still get rejected. No excuses, the people just didn’t like who I was. This can be hard to handle, but actually I’m more ok with it, as I am confident in who I am and what I’m called to, so if someone doesn’t like that, that’s ok too.

I am also finding out how much people are learning about me based on what they find on google. WHAT! Yep. Not only must I be a great human being, but in order for me to be legit, my incredible super human activity has to be google-able. Again – WHAT! Oh boy. Go ahead google me. Dare you. I just sometimes wish people would just call me up on the phone, ask me about me, and not rely on some form of made up internet paraphernalia – ok, it’s not all made up. Some is legit news.

In a span of about…ooo…one week, I was labelled by others to be:  too controlling, not “deep” enough, not “well known” enough, and what I feel like was a bit of a kick in the stomach when someone said that I ” lacked experience”. Once more – WHAT!! Most of those words are not true. Some are, and that’s why the words still hurt. I agree that the old rhyme was ridiculous – the sticks and stones one – Words can kill a soul!

begoodOH MY. I fully appreciate it when all my dear friends encourage me, tell me that I’m significant and am good at what I do, that I matter, and they love me. But, the truth is, people may really not care who I am till I’m google-able ,wiki’d and well known. In my industry world anyway. ( Yes, this is obviously my “time to vent” blog post – Letting loose – if you will ). I’m glad I live with a guy who loves me not based on my google ratings, pinterest boards, and social media branding skills. Thanks honey:) But I am aware of how ever increasingly important they may have to be.

” God, please always help me feel like I’m somebody, even when the world thinks I’m nobody. I’d still like to be significant and make a difference in peoples lives, be an example for young women, and also bring value to women in media and artists alike, so please continue to help me be that. Thanks for being awesome, loving me, always giving me a second chance, even when I’m moping. It gives me hope to carry on… Please help me be so good they can’t ignore me!  Amen”

( Thanks for sending me that quote TT! )

~ M

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